Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Steaming Inside

Under normal circumstances, I really don't care what others think about me or my marriage because different things work for different people, and we're all different so there is no point in judging someone else.  However, since finding out the wonderful news that my husband and I are expecting a baby I have been bombarded with some of the rudest questions and assumptions I have heard in my life.  I am absolutely floored, and my blood is boiling.

Yes, I really didn't know I was pregnant when my husband left for his deployment.  I actually took a pregnancy test the morning before he left and it came out negative.  I only took a test to reassure us both (mostly me) that my cycle was wacky due to all the chaos and stress we'd been dealing with.

A couple weeks after he left, while stranded in Colorado during a huge spring snowstorm, I came down with what I thought was just a virus or possibly a kidney infection.  I ended up in an Urgent Care after several days of trying to fight off this illness on my own.  It did not even cross my mind to ask them to perform a pregnancy test, I saw absolutely no need.  It is the standing policy at that facility to do a pregnancy test on any female, ages 10-55, who presents with any symptoms that could be attributed to pregnancy.  When that doctor walked into the exam room and said "you know you're pregnant, right?" I was in complete and total shock myself.  I even asked him to check again to make sure he had the right person!  The doctor I saw that day was one of two doctors that I've seen this pregnancy that did not assume I had cheated on my husband.  After talking with him for awhile, he calmly reminded me of the facts of biology and that I could have even conceived a few days after my husband had left and I wouldn't be the first that it had happened to.  We now know that was definitely not the case, and in fact this baby was conceived in love almost 2 weeks PRIOR to my husband's departure.

What I really don't understand is why there are so many people who look at me and automatically assume that because I am pregnant and my husband is deployed, I must have been unfaithful.  I really don't think that is a vibe that I give off, and I'd love to be corrected if I am wrong on this because that is absolutely something I would have to work on immediately.  Those who know me best, really know my heart and know that when I said "I Do" it was forever - not just in the good times or while he's home...  forever and for always.

Is it ideal that my husband is not physically here with me during the majority of this pregnancy?  Not in the slightest.  Oh, how I wish he had been able to be in the doctors office with me when I found out... or at that first ultrasound....  I am sad that he will only be at our gender ultrasound via phone, if we can even arrange that!  He will more than likely be home for the birth, and that is more than a lot of military husbands can say right now - so for that I will choose to be thankful.  I will choose to be glad that I can keep him updated via photos and videos sent in care packages from home.  I choose to focus on the positives instead of the negatives because this baby should be and will be nothing but a blessing!

I guess deep down, under the surface anger, I feel sad for those who have made the assumptions and accusations.  It may not be the case for all of them, but perhaps some of them are so insecure in their own lives and relationships so they just assume the worst instead of looking at the situation in a different way, that assumes the best or at least pauses to consider the facts and biology.  I  guess some of it could just be explained as plain ignorance.

I feel a greater sense of sadness because some of the people who have made these assumptions are not just doctors at some military base who I will never see again, they are closer to me than that and I expected different from them.  Truthfully, I'm not really sure how to express how hurt I am by their accusations without causing a lot of drama.  I guess the best thing I can do is continue living my life in a way that is pleasing to Christ and to my husband.  Living by example, I can hope that others will look at me and see that I am not tempted in any way, by anyone other than my husband.  I want others to look at me and see a woman who is falling more and more in love with her husband, the baby growing inside of her and God every day, through the blessing in disguise that is called deployment.  It's hard for him to be away, but it really doesn't have to be a horrible time in life either.

Everything is what you make it.  Deployment is an opportunity - for growth,  for strength, for courage.

Steaming Inside

Under normal circumstances, I really don't care what others think about me or my marriage because different things work for different people, and we're all different so there is no point in judging someone else.  However, since finding out the wonderful news that my husband and I are expecting a baby I have been bombarded with some of the rudest questions and assumptions I have heard in my life.  I am absolutely floored, and my blood is boiling.

Yes, I really didn't know I was pregnant when my husband left for his deployment.  I actually took a pregnancy test the morning before he left and it came out negative.  I only took a test to reassure us both (mostly me) that my cycle was wacky due to all the chaos and stress we'd been dealing with.

A couple weeks after he left, while stranded in Colorado during a huge spring snowstorm, I came down with what I thought was just a virus or possibly a kidney infection.  I ended up in an Urgent Care after several days of trying to fight off this illness on my own.  It did not even cross my mind to ask them to perform a pregnancy test, I saw absolutely no need.  It is the standing policy at that facility to do a pregnancy test on any female, ages 10-55, who presents with any symptoms that could be attributed to pregnancy.  When that doctor walked into the exam room and said "you know you're pregnant, right?" I was in complete and total shock myself.  I even asked him to check again to make sure he had the right person!  The doctor I saw that day was one of two doctors that I've seen this pregnancy that did not assume I had cheated on my husband.  After talking with him for awhile, he calmly reminded me of the facts of biology and that I could have even conceived a few days after my husband had left and I wouldn't be the first that it had happened to.  We now know that was definitely not the case, and in fact this baby was conceived in love almost 2 weeks PRIOR to my husband's departure.

What I really don't understand is why there are so many people who look at me and automatically assume that because I am pregnant and my husband is deployed, I must have been unfaithful.  I really don't think that is a vibe that I give off, and I'd love to be corrected if I am wrong on this because that is absolutely something I would have to work on immediately.  Those who know me best, really know my heart and know that when I said "I Do" it was forever - not just in the good times or while he's home...  forever and for always.

Is it ideal that my husband is not physically here with me during the majority of this pregnancy?  Not in the slightest.  Oh, how I wish he had been able to be in the doctors office with me when I found out... or at that first ultrasound....  I am sad that he will only be at our gender ultrasound via phone, if we can even arrange that!  He will more than likely be home for the birth, and that is more than a lot of military husbands can say right now - so for that I will choose to be thankful.  I will choose to be glad that I can keep him updated via photos and videos sent in care packages from home.  I choose to focus on the positives instead of the negatives because this baby should be and will be nothing but a blessing!

I guess deep down, under the surface anger, I feel sad for those who have made the assumptions and accusations.  It may not be the case for all of them, but perhaps some of them are so insecure in their own lives and relationships so they just assume the worst instead of looking at the situation in a different way, that assumes the best or at least pauses to consider the facts and biology.  I  guess some of it could just be explained as plain ignorance.

I feel a greater sense of sadness because some of the people who have made these assumptions are not just doctors at some military base who I will never see again, they are closer to me than that and I expected different from them.  Truthfully, I'm not really sure how to express how hurt I am by their accusations without causing a lot of drama.  I guess the best thing I can do is continue living my life in a way that is pleasing to Christ and to my husband.  Living by example, I can hope that others will look at me and see that I am not tempted in any way, by anyone other than my husband.  I want others to look at me and see a woman who is falling more and more in love with her husband, the baby growing inside of her and God every day, through the blessing in disguise that is called deployment.  It's hard for him to be away, but it really doesn't have to be a horrible time in life either.

Everything is what you make it.  Deployment is an opportunity - for growth,  for strength, for courage.

Please excuse the mess....

Although I promised I wouldn't drive myself crazy trying to get the design perfect on this blog for now, I'm still fidgeting with it to make it a little more how I would like it to be.  Please excuse the mess while I continue to play around with settings, layouts, and images.  Hopefully I'll settle on something I like enough to leave it alone for awhile!

Please excuse the mess....

Although I promised I wouldn't drive myself crazy trying to get the design perfect on this blog for now, I'm still fidgeting with it to make it a little more how I would like it to be.  Please excuse the mess while I continue to play around with settings, layouts, and images.  Hopefully I'll settle on something I like enough to leave it alone for awhile!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Post It Note Tuesday


 


 



Post It Note Tuesday


 


 



Monday, April 26, 2010

26% Done...


I finally broke down and put the stats for this deployment into the famous "Donut of Misery" this morning.

26% seems like such a measly number, especially since the return date is just a hopeful one for now because we don't know what is actually a realistic date to count on yet... and won't for weeks/months.

Maybe I should count in paychecks instead?  Nope, that number is pretty high and depressing too...

We've got 2 special days down and 6 to go.... I guess that countdown is low enough, but I know in my head once we get past the next 5 special days that come relatively quickly, one after another, the last one is going to take forever to get here.

Maybe today's project will be going to find a big jar to put my good night "kisses" in.  It's easier to swallow the long countdown when it's chocolate, right?

26% Done...


I finally broke down and put the stats for this deployment into the famous "Donut of Misery" this morning.

26% seems like such a measly number, especially since the return date is just a hopeful one for now because we don't know what is actually a realistic date to count on yet... and won't for weeks/months.

Maybe I should count in paychecks instead?  Nope, that number is pretty high and depressing too...

We've got 2 special days down and 6 to go.... I guess that countdown is low enough, but I know in my head once we get past the next 5 special days that come relatively quickly, one after another, the last one is going to take forever to get here.

Maybe today's project will be going to find a big jar to put my good night "kisses" in.  It's easier to swallow the long countdown when it's chocolate, right?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Happy Birthday My Love!


Today is my husband's 27th birthday!  

Due to the time difference he has already celebrated his birthday overseas and is on to just another day of work. It just seems so strange that he is not here to spoil!  Granted, I feel pretty yucky still so I'm certain it would have been a very low key day.  I've been so miserably sick that I have yet to even get his birthday care package in the mail to him.  Thankfully he understands, and it's going out tomorrow. It is packed with items that I think he is going to love!  I tried to avoid being too practical and focused on things that would make his life easier or more fun during deployment.  His cake this year?  Well I did manage to make him a cake of stacked twinkies held together with a little frosting.  I took a picture of my finished product for him, and then included a box of twinkies, icing and candles so he can build his own when his birthday package arrives. I also collected cards from family and friends to include this time, so he knows lots of people are thinking about him today.

Honey, I know we both wish you could be home for your birthday this year.  It seems so strange to know that I have not seen, hugged, and kissed the 27 year old version of you!  This year is going to be an amazing one for our family and I am so thankful and blessed to have you in my life.   Happy Birthday my love!  Come home soon!

Happy Birthday My Love!


Today is my husband's 27th birthday!  

Due to the time difference he has already celebrated his birthday overseas and is on to just another day of work. It just seems so strange that he is not here to spoil!  Granted, I feel pretty yucky still so I'm certain it would have been a very low key day.  I've been so miserably sick that I have yet to even get his birthday care package in the mail to him.  Thankfully he understands, and it's going out tomorrow. It is packed with items that I think he is going to love!  I tried to avoid being too practical and focused on things that would make his life easier or more fun during deployment.  His cake this year?  Well I did manage to make him a cake of stacked twinkies held together with a little frosting.  I took a picture of my finished product for him, and then included a box of twinkies, icing and candles so he can build his own when his birthday package arrives. I also collected cards from family and friends to include this time, so he knows lots of people are thinking about him today.

Honey, I know we both wish you could be home for your birthday this year.  It seems so strange to know that I have not seen, hugged, and kissed the 27 year old version of you!  This year is going to be an amazing one for our family and I am so thankful and blessed to have you in my life.   Happy Birthday my love!  Come home soon!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

You know you're pregnant, right?







Baby's first ultrasound - 8.5 weeks

Truthfully, I just assumed it was a crazy bug I picked up while traveling and being on TDY with my husband for 3.5 months before he left for deployment.  So when the Urgent Care doctor walked in and said "you know you're pregnant, right?" I am pretty sure I turned pale as a ghost and just sat there in shock.  Um, no, what did you say?  Maybe you have the wrong patient?  My husband is deployed and has been gone for 2 weeks...  well, I guess it could be possible.  Wow.  Are you sure?

And so began my pregnancy journey!


The only complaint I have about being pregnant so far is definitely the morning sickness!  Who decided to call it that anyway?  "Morning sickness" is so misleading... I had always heard other women talk about how they were sick all day, every day and I felt like that must be horrible but surely it can't really last all day, every single day.  Now, I'm living it and it really is HORRIBLE and it really does last all day, every single day!  


I wish I could say that as I'm entering my 10th week things are starting to get better, but unfortunately I'm still suffering hard core.  I have a wonderful OB who has been working with me for a couple weeks now to find the right combination of prescription medication that will control my symptoms enough to at least let me keep some food/fluids in my system and stay out of the hospital.  Right now I'm taking a combination of 5 medications staggered throughout the day.  I had a couple days this last week where I felt so good, I was actually worried about whether or not the baby was ok but it wasn't long before I was back to feeling totally awful. Now that I'm back in the awful stage it feels like its worse than ever, and the days last so much longer when you feel so miserable that you can't do anything!

The saddest part of all of this is that as of tonight I am going to have to start wearing my wedding rings on a chain (with my husband's ring since he couldn't take his with him) because they will no longer stay on my fingers securely.  I've lost 24lbs since finding out I was pregnant.  I guess if he were here, it wouldn't be such a big deal to not be able to wear them, but with him gone it just feels really hard to take them off - even if only for a little while.  Maybe I'll take a trip to the hardware store and pick up my own rubber "o" ring to wear in place of my wedding rings, just like my husband is doing for the duration of this deployment.  Make lemons out of lemonade, right?

This "all day, every day" sickness will hopefully get the heck outta my system in the next few weeks.  Since I will be heading into my 2nd trimester right around Mother's Day I can't help but think that it'd be great timing to start feeling good again.  Honestly though, in spite of the morning sickness I am just feeling so amazingly blessed to officially be a mama-to-be.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for my husband and I as we grow together and learn to be parents, and how God is going to work in the life of our little one.

I'll leave you with the chorus of this song, These are the words by Sidewalk Prophets. It just plays over and over in my head when I think about our little one and what I can't wait to tell him/her about the world and our wonderful Savior.




Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope.
You're going to do great things, I already know.
God's got His hand on you so don't live life in fear.
Forgive and forget, but don't forget why you're here.
Take your time and pray.
Thank God for each day.
His love will find a way.

You know you're pregnant, right?







Baby's first ultrasound - 8.5 weeks

Truthfully, I just assumed it was a crazy bug I picked up while traveling and being on TDY with my husband for 3.5 months before he left for deployment.  So when the Urgent Care doctor walked in and said "you know you're pregnant, right?" I am pretty sure I turned pale as a ghost and just sat there in shock.  Um, no, what did you say?  Maybe you have the wrong patient?  My husband is deployed and has been gone for 2 weeks...  well, I guess it could be possible.  Wow.  Are you sure?

And so began my pregnancy journey!


The only complaint I have about being pregnant so far is definitely the morning sickness!  Who decided to call it that anyway?  "Morning sickness" is so misleading... I had always heard other women talk about how they were sick all day, every day and I felt like that must be horrible but surely it can't really last all day, every single day.  Now, I'm living it and it really is HORRIBLE and it really does last all day, every single day!  


I wish I could say that as I'm entering my 10th week things are starting to get better, but unfortunately I'm still suffering hard core.  I have a wonderful OB who has been working with me for a couple weeks now to find the right combination of prescription medication that will control my symptoms enough to at least let me keep some food/fluids in my system and stay out of the hospital.  Right now I'm taking a combination of 5 medications staggered throughout the day.  I had a couple days this last week where I felt so good, I was actually worried about whether or not the baby was ok but it wasn't long before I was back to feeling totally awful. Now that I'm back in the awful stage it feels like its worse than ever, and the days last so much longer when you feel so miserable that you can't do anything!

The saddest part of all of this is that as of tonight I am going to have to start wearing my wedding rings on a chain (with my husband's ring since he couldn't take his with him) because they will no longer stay on my fingers securely.  I've lost 24lbs since finding out I was pregnant.  I guess if he were here, it wouldn't be such a big deal to not be able to wear them, but with him gone it just feels really hard to take them off - even if only for a little while.  Maybe I'll take a trip to the hardware store and pick up my own rubber "o" ring to wear in place of my wedding rings, just like my husband is doing for the duration of this deployment.  Make lemons out of lemonade, right?

This "all day, every day" sickness will hopefully get the heck outta my system in the next few weeks.  Since I will be heading into my 2nd trimester right around Mother's Day I can't help but think that it'd be great timing to start feeling good again.  Honestly though, in spite of the morning sickness I am just feeling so amazingly blessed to officially be a mama-to-be.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for my husband and I as we grow together and learn to be parents, and how God is going to work in the life of our little one.

I'll leave you with the chorus of this song, These are the words by Sidewalk Prophets. It just plays over and over in my head when I think about our little one and what I can't wait to tell him/her about the world and our wonderful Savior.




Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope.
You're going to do great things, I already know.
God's got His hand on you so don't live life in fear.
Forgive and forget, but don't forget why you're here.
Take your time and pray.
Thank God for each day.
His love will find a way.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Here we go again...

For weeks now I have been fussing with another blog that I've started, but it's just not getting to be where I would like it to be as quickly as I feel like it should.  In the mean time, I need a place to put my thoughts because life is not going to stop moving while I redesign my blog.  I've finally settled on coming back to blogger, at least for the time being.  It's not all about how great the blog looks, it's the content that matters because that is what draws in or repels readers for the most part. So I've challenged myself to be content with a simplistic design for now and just write, because writing is the whole reason I started a blog to begin with and I'm tired of keeping my thoughts bottled up while waiting for perfection on the other site.

Since this is my first post, I guess I will start by sharing a little about myself - though most of you who read this blog will probably already know all of this anyway.

I'm currently 25 years old, an Air Force wife and I am also 10 weeks pregnant with our first child!  This baby is quite the surprise blessing!  I love to take photos, travel, attempt being crafty, am partially "crunchy" and I enjoy cooking/baking when not dealing with morning sickness.

My husband is 26 and is currently deployed to Afghanistan.  It's the first deployment either one of us has been through, so we are learning together.  We have very limited communication because he has no internet access, but he's been great about calling whenever he possibly can.  It's hard to believe we've already almost made it to the 2 year mark.  We are fortunate enough to feel like our love is strengthened every single day despite the hardships that come with deployment communication.  I'd be lying if I said the countdown to homecoming hasn't already begun...  I miss that man so much, every minute of every single day.

We also have an adorable 9yr old dachshund named Rusty.  Rusty was part of the package deal my husband got when he married me.  He's the first dog I have had since moving out of my parents' home several years ago.  We have sure been through a lot together and he will always be my baby dog with a special place in my heart.  He was rescued after being brutally attacked by another dog and initially left for dead.  He has come so far in the last 5 years and is a very loyal companion and best friend.  He loves to snuggle, do tricks for treats, and explore outside!

I don't stick to one topic when I blog - I blog about it all!  I'll be sharing about our military life, marriage, traveling, being pregnant and becoming a mommy, baking/cooking, my crafting attempts, book reviews, photography, product reviews, my spiritual journey, and whatever else crosses my mind from time to time.  I hope to host some giveaways in the future, and my blog is PR friendly!



Our most recent picture with the 3 of us - November 2009

Here we go again...

For weeks now I have been fussing with another blog that I've started, but it's just not getting to be where I would like it to be as quickly as I feel like it should.  In the mean time, I need a place to put my thoughts because life is not going to stop moving while I redesign my blog.  I've finally settled on coming back to blogger, at least for the time being.  It's not all about how great the blog looks, it's the content that matters because that is what draws in or repels readers for the most part. So I've challenged myself to be content with a simplistic design for now and just write, because writing is the whole reason I started a blog to begin with and I'm tired of keeping my thoughts bottled up while waiting for perfection on the other site.

Since this is my first post, I guess I will start by sharing a little about myself - though most of you who read this blog will probably already know all of this anyway.

I'm currently 25 years old, an Air Force wife and I am also 10 weeks pregnant with our first child!  This baby is quite the surprise blessing!  I love to take photos, travel, attempt being crafty, am partially "crunchy" and I enjoy cooking/baking when not dealing with morning sickness.

My husband is 26 and is currently deployed to Afghanistan.  It's the first deployment either one of us has been through, so we are learning together.  We have very limited communication because he has no internet access, but he's been great about calling whenever he possibly can.  It's hard to believe we've already almost made it to the 2 year mark.  We are fortunate enough to feel like our love is strengthened every single day despite the hardships that come with deployment communication.  I'd be lying if I said the countdown to homecoming hasn't already begun...  I miss that man so much, every minute of every single day.

We also have an adorable 9yr old dachshund named Rusty.  Rusty was part of the package deal my husband got when he married me.  He's the first dog I have had since moving out of my parents' home several years ago.  We have sure been through a lot together and he will always be my baby dog with a special place in my heart.  He was rescued after being brutally attacked by another dog and initially left for dead.  He has come so far in the last 5 years and is a very loyal companion and best friend.  He loves to snuggle, do tricks for treats, and explore outside!

I don't stick to one topic when I blog - I blog about it all!  I'll be sharing about our military life, marriage, traveling, being pregnant and becoming a mommy, baking/cooking, my crafting attempts, book reviews, photography, product reviews, my spiritual journey, and whatever else crosses my mind from time to time.  I hope to host some giveaways in the future, and my blog is PR friendly!



Our most recent picture with the 3 of us - November 2009