Showing posts with label monkey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monkey. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A mommy's worries



I had a post written up earlier today.  I couldn't tell you what it was about.  To be honest I'm not sure I have any words to write THIS post... but I'm trying.

My sweet baby girl has been sick for 38 days. We are have to be out of our house due to our PCS in about 4 days times. I have nothing packed. Nothing ready. I cannot do anything but focus on my little girl who is STILL sick.

We have consulted with 4 doctors and have done several different types of tests. We originally had an answer and while that is what triggered this whole thing, it has been treated and now we don't know why her symptoms have not gone away!  She has lost 3lbs in a month, has little appetite and not nearly as much energy or spunk as normal. She has had a fever for each of the 38 days despite numerous attempts of breaking it - it never does. This is just the beginning of her symptoms...

We will be seeing her pediatrician tomorrow. I trust her pediatrician to help us figure out what is going on. She may not have answers immediately, but the most pressing issue is whether or not we are missing something major.

This mommy is worried. I know God is in control and I am continually struggling with giving this over to Him. Why isn't He healing her? Why must she keep suffering?  Can't He hear her crying out in pain?  I know He has the answers..  my mommy heart wants them too. Every night as I rock her for hours while she alternates between nursing and crying out in pain, I just want to make it all better... and I can't. I don't even know how to begin trying. This breaks my heart.

There is so much resting on this appointment tomorrow...  Tonight my prayer is simple -- for God's peace and wisdom. Only He has the answers to all of these questions weighing on my heart. Only He knows if we will ever figure out what is keeping her sick for so long or if it will mysteriously disappear and she will be back to her spunky, fun loving self.

Please pray for my sweet Monkey.  Pray for this mommy to have the peace that comes ONLY from God.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

1st Birthday - Midnight Picture


Happy First Birthday, Monkey!!



How is it possible that it has been an entire year since this we finally got to meet this little one who has stolen my heart and captivated my soul? My heart is overwhelmed with emotion and there is so much I want to say.

I will be back to post about her birth story and her birthday celebrations. However, tonight I have the very important job of making sure everything is set for her to enjoy the most amazing first birthday celebration in the morning. Things have been a little hectic around here, but I am determined to make tomorrow (er - today?) absolutely the best day possible!

Here it is... her first birthday.
Unbelievable.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

taking a break


I've decided to take a short break from the blog to focus on my baby girl.
In her sweet eyes I can see that she needs her mommy's full attention right now.

We'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers.


In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see she was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light, it's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave, maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there, in my daughters eyes.

taking a break


I've decided to take a short break from the blog to focus on my baby girl.
In her sweet eyes I can see that she needs her mommy's full attention right now.

We'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers.


In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see she was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light, it's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave, maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there, in my daughters eyes.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

just us girls


Sarge has been gone for a couple weeks now and Monkey and I are still trying to settle into a groove of our own. Things are different without daddy around, and we're finding it a bit strange to not have his work schedule to plan around.

I thought we were getting the hang of things, but over the weekend we had a scary introduction to food allergies for Monkey. She is still exclusively breastfed so they say it was likely related to some peanuts that I ate. I rarely eat peanuts, unless I am dipping apples in peanut butter, but reached for a quick easy snack late one night.

 A few hours later, my sweet girl was covered in hives and I was rushing her to the hospital. I am so thankful that we live very close to the hospital as the situation was critical when we got there. Modern medicine is a wonderful thing and my sweet girl was doing much better a few hours later. 

Tuesday night, we had a similar experience, except we aren't sure what caused it as I made sure I did not eat anything containing nuts! After another trip to the ER we are both quite exhausted and praying that things settle down for a little bit.  Any semblance of a routine is also a little thrown off right now so we're hoping to get back to it and settle back into a good groove really soon!

When we got home from our latest long night at the hospital I decided that we would take a day to just reconnect and refresh ourselves. Oh, how we needed that!

I knew going into this deployment that solo-parenting would be quite challenging at times, especially with Monkey being only 6 months old and still needing so much care 24 hours a day. Yet, I guess you can never really prepare for this type of an experience and how it will really affect each member of the family. 

We are doing the best we can, but we both miss Sarge very much!  I am surprised at how much Monkey is able to communicate with me that she misses her daddy. I'm not sure why I didn't expect it, but I thought it would be easier because she is younger. She really notices his absence! 

The first week he was gone, she would meltdown for 2-3 hours after we got off of the phone or Skype with him. Thankfully, she seems to be adjusting a little better and while she still gets sad when daddy has to go, we are not often having the long meltdowns we were having previously. 

 I have been working on editing together several videos Sarge made for Monkey before he left and watching her watch daddy is becoming an absolute favorite part of my day! It might just be a recording of Sarge, but that's her daddy and she savors every chance to interact with him. She is thrilled that he knows and never tires of her favorite game - peek-a-boo!

 
I'm realizing more and more that right now my little girl just needs her mommy. The house is messy and less organized than I prefer, the laundry piles up a little higher, and the dishwasher is always full of dishes... but none of that matters in her life right now! All that matters is that she has a little extra time and attention as we adjust to having Sarge so far away, and as long as she is content I am happy to set aside those not so important things for another time. 

She's not always going to be 6 months old so I'm cherishing every second. I'm thankful that at least for right now all it takes to cheer her up is a video of daddy and some extra snuggles from mommy!

just us girls


Sarge has been gone for a couple weeks now and Monkey and I are still trying to settle into a groove of our own. Things are different without daddy around, and we're finding it a bit strange to not have his work schedule to plan around.

I thought we were getting the hang of things, but over the weekend we had a scary introduction to food allergies for Monkey. She is still exclusively breastfed so they say it was likely related to some peanuts that I ate. I rarely eat peanuts, unless I am dipping apples in peanut butter, but reached for a quick easy snack late one night.

 A few hours later, my sweet girl was covered in hives and I was rushing her to the hospital. I am so thankful that we live very close to the hospital as the situation was critical when we got there. Modern medicine is a wonderful thing and my sweet girl was doing much better a few hours later. 

Tuesday night, we had a similar experience, except we aren't sure what caused it as I made sure I did not eat anything containing nuts! After another trip to the ER we are both quite exhausted and praying that things settle down for a little bit.  Any semblance of a routine is also a little thrown off right now so we're hoping to get back to it and settle back into a good groove really soon!

When we got home from our latest long night at the hospital I decided that we would take a day to just reconnect and refresh ourselves. Oh, how we needed that!

I knew going into this deployment that solo-parenting would be quite challenging at times, especially with Monkey being only 6 months old and still needing so much care 24 hours a day. Yet, I guess you can never really prepare for this type of an experience and how it will really affect each member of the family. 

We are doing the best we can, but we both miss Sarge very much!  I am surprised at how much Monkey is able to communicate with me that she misses her daddy. I'm not sure why I didn't expect it, but I thought it would be easier because she is younger. She really notices his absence! 

The first week he was gone, she would meltdown for 2-3 hours after we got off of the phone or Skype with him. Thankfully, she seems to be adjusting a little better and while she still gets sad when daddy has to go, we are not often having the long meltdowns we were having previously. 

 I have been working on editing together several videos Sarge made for Monkey before he left and watching her watch daddy is becoming an absolute favorite part of my day! It might just be a recording of Sarge, but that's her daddy and she savors every chance to interact with him. She is thrilled that he knows and never tires of her favorite game - peek-a-boo!

 
I'm realizing more and more that right now my little girl just needs her mommy. The house is messy and less organized than I prefer, the laundry piles up a little higher, and the dishwasher is always full of dishes... but none of that matters in her life right now! All that matters is that she has a little extra time and attention as we adjust to having Sarge so far away, and as long as she is content I am happy to set aside those not so important things for another time. 

She's not always going to be 6 months old so I'm cherishing every second. I'm thankful that at least for right now all it takes to cheer her up is a video of daddy and some extra snuggles from mommy!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

peek a boo



Who can't smile when they hear her sweet giggles?
We love our sweet Monkey!

Happy 1/2 birthday baby girl!

I can hardly remember life without you and it certainly is better WITH you!

peek a boo



Who can't smile when they hear her sweet giggles?
We love our sweet Monkey!

Happy 1/2 birthday baby girl!

I can hardly remember life without you and it certainly is better WITH you!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

5 months


First time falling asleep in an odd place - 3.27.11 @ 12:30am

Happy 5 Months my sweet girl!
Mommy and Daddy love you so much!
Every day you are growing so much, we can hardly believe it.
You are so full of love and so quick to share your cuddles with us.
Thank you for bringing so much joy into our lives!

5 months


First time falling asleep in an odd place - 3.27.11 @ 12:30am

Happy 5 Months my sweet girl!
Mommy and Daddy love you so much!
Every day you are growing so much, we can hardly believe it.
You are so full of love and so quick to share your cuddles with us.
Thank you for bringing so much joy into our lives!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

laughter is good for the soul

I feel like my head is spinning and I'm having trouble concentrating.
Part of it is stress. Part of it is exhaustion. Part of it is that I'm still battling illness.

My house is a mess.  
My laundry pile is overflowing.  
Last night we ate hot pockets for dinner because I didn't want to scrub the skillet from the night before.

You know what though?  Absolutely NONE of this matters.

I spent most of the day in bed, cuddling and giggling with my little girl. I don't regret it at all!
Pre-bedtime nursing in the bathtub = Heaven on earth!
2am is my new bedtime... those extra couple hours in the day with my husband are so special!

The moments are what matter. The rest of it is just... filler stuff!

In just a matter of days our family will be going through another deployment. While having a clean house and being caught up on the laundry would be nice, there will be plenty of time for it later. Right now, I just want to soak up these precious moments that are right in front of us. When Sarge gets back we are all going to be in a different place than where we are right now.  So, I think it's important to focus on this time together, soaking up these moments while we can.

... and baby giggles?  They are one of the BEST gifts God ever gave us!





Today I am thankful for my little girl's laughter. It melts away the stress and burdens on my heart.  I am thankful for the grace of my husband who understands it's hard to send him off to war, and thankful he allows me a "mental health" day to just be in the moment and let everything else go. I am thankful for the moments God is giving me to enjoy right now.

laughter is good for the soul

I feel like my head is spinning and I'm having trouble concentrating.
Part of it is stress. Part of it is exhaustion. Part of it is that I'm still battling illness.

My house is a mess.  
My laundry pile is overflowing.  
Last night we ate hot pockets for dinner because I didn't want to scrub the skillet from the night before.

You know what though?  Absolutely NONE of this matters.

I spent most of the day in bed, cuddling and giggling with my little girl. I don't regret it at all!
Pre-bedtime nursing in the bathtub = Heaven on earth!
2am is my new bedtime... those extra couple hours in the day with my husband are so special!

The moments are what matter. The rest of it is just... filler stuff!

In just a matter of days our family will be going through another deployment. While having a clean house and being caught up on the laundry would be nice, there will be plenty of time for it later. Right now, I just want to soak up these precious moments that are right in front of us. When Sarge gets back we are all going to be in a different place than where we are right now.  So, I think it's important to focus on this time together, soaking up these moments while we can.

... and baby giggles?  They are one of the BEST gifts God ever gave us!





Today I am thankful for my little girl's laughter. It melts away the stress and burdens on my heart.  I am thankful for the grace of my husband who understands it's hard to send him off to war, and thankful he allows me a "mental health" day to just be in the moment and let everything else go. I am thankful for the moments God is giving me to enjoy right now.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A Diagnosis For Monkey (Part 1)

It all started about 3 weeks ago.

Monkey and I were curled up in bed around 10pm.  Monkey was happily nursing in my lap while I alternated between cheering on Judge Judy and chatting with Sarge while he played his computer game.

Monkey has this new habit of exploring with her hands while she nurses and she's just recently taken to pinching. This particular night she was innocently pinching mommy while drinking her "milkie" when she managed to dig her teeny tiny, razor sharp nails into my skin, and it HURT!

So, right then and there I knew I needed to do something about it. It wasn't her fault her little nails were so sharp! I innocently asked Sarge to hand me the baby nail clippers off his nightstand. I'd trimmed them a couple times before with no mishaps so I didn't think this time would be any different.

clip, snip, clip, clip, clip - "YAY! Great job, Monkey! Those fingers are done... let's do your other hand now!"

And then it happened... her tiny little hand moved as those horrible mean clippers went in for the SNIP!

Sarge's face froze in horror, with a look that totally said "OUCH!!"
I dropped the clippers and mentally freaked out asking myself  "WHAT DID I JUST DO!?"
For a second, all I could do was look at Monkey and pray that it wouldn't hurt as bad I thought it did, but her face told me that it absolutely hurt more than anything she'd ever felt before and she was not ok with that!

It was so awful and it felt like we froze for hours and just stared at each other like "did that just happen?" but in reality, I'm sure it was only a matter of seconds before we were completely unfrozen and living the horror...

Monkey getting cuddles after getting her finger bandaged.
Feb 24, 2011
Her scream was piercing and unlike anything I'd ever heard come from her tiny little body before.  I instinctively scooped her up into my arms as I said "I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry!" over and over and over, with tears rolling down my own cheeks... I yelled for a kleenex and when her tiny finger bled through that in a matter of seconds, I told my husband to grab a cloth wipe and I used that instead.

My EMT instincts told me to apply direct pressure and the bleeding would stop. I examined her finger and saw that it didn't look like it was too deep and should stop bleeding quickly, so I just quickly applied pressure and prayed for it to stop hurting so bad.

 The mommy part of me is so new that I was paralyzed at the fact that not only was my daughter hurt... it was MY fault!  I felt awful and just wanted the crying to stop because maybe it would mean the hurting had stopped as well. I got Monkey latched back on for more "milkies" and kept applying direct pressure to her sweet little finger. At least the crying stopped, but I still felt awful!

Minutes passed and it was still bleeding... How could something so small bleed so much?  After about 30 minutes I started to get really worried. I could rotate the cloth and a fresh spot would be filled with blood in seconds and it just wasn't slowing down at all!

I waited a little longer and decided that we needed some professional advice on how long this little finger should be bleeding. Sarge called the nurse advice line (thank you TriCare!) and they said it should have stopped after a max of 5-10 minutes and we needed to go to the ER as soon as possible because the cut could be deeper than we realized.

So, we bundled up our little Monkey and headed out for the ER. We got there around 11:15pm and were taken back really quickly.  The doctor came in and looked at the cut and said that luckily she wouldn't need stitches because the cut was so little, but we did need to get the bleeding to stop.  He decided to cauterize the cut and  place a bandage on her tiny finger to protect it and catch any more blood.  Once we were all done, he told us the usual "follow up with your pediatrician" speech.

I was totally relieved that it had finally stopped bleeding!  Except for a couple minutes of crying when it first happened, Monkey seemed to not really mind the whole adventure. She smiled and laughed at the nurses and doctors the whole time we were at the hospital, and as usual everyone "oooh'd and ahhhh'd" and told us how adorable she is.

When we got home and got settled back in bed for the night, my mind started going and I realized that it just wasn't normal for Monkey to have bled so much. By the time all was said and done, it was 2 hours before her little finger stopped bleeding!  I felt like I should definitely talk to her pediatrician about it and was thankful we had an appointment for her 4 month checkup in a few days.

I never in my wildest dreams, nightmares really, imagined what would come from such a simple cut on the tip of her finger.

To be continued... 

A Diagnosis For Monkey (Part 1)

It all started about 3 weeks ago.

Monkey and I were curled up in bed around 10pm.  Monkey was happily nursing in my lap while I alternated between cheering on Judge Judy and chatting with Sarge while he played his computer game.

Monkey has this new habit of exploring with her hands while she nurses and she's just recently taken to pinching. This particular night she was innocently pinching mommy while drinking her "milkie" when she managed to dig her teeny tiny, razor sharp nails into my skin, and it HURT!

So, right then and there I knew I needed to do something about it. It wasn't her fault her little nails were so sharp! I innocently asked Sarge to hand me the baby nail clippers off his nightstand. I'd trimmed them a couple times before with no mishaps so I didn't think this time would be any different.

clip, snip, clip, clip, clip - "YAY! Great job, Monkey! Those fingers are done... let's do your other hand now!"

And then it happened... her tiny little hand moved as those horrible mean clippers went in for the SNIP!

Sarge's face froze in horror, with a look that totally said "OUCH!!"
I dropped the clippers and mentally freaked out asking myself  "WHAT DID I JUST DO!?"
For a second, all I could do was look at Monkey and pray that it wouldn't hurt as bad I thought it did, but her face told me that it absolutely hurt more than anything she'd ever felt before and she was not ok with that!

It was so awful and it felt like we froze for hours and just stared at each other like "did that just happen?" but in reality, I'm sure it was only a matter of seconds before we were completely unfrozen and living the horror...

Monkey getting cuddles after getting her finger bandaged.
Feb 24, 2011
Her scream was piercing and unlike anything I'd ever heard come from her tiny little body before.  I instinctively scooped her up into my arms as I said "I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry!" over and over and over, with tears rolling down my own cheeks... I yelled for a kleenex and when her tiny finger bled through that in a matter of seconds, I told my husband to grab a cloth wipe and I used that instead.

My EMT instincts told me to apply direct pressure and the bleeding would stop. I examined her finger and saw that it didn't look like it was too deep and should stop bleeding quickly, so I just quickly applied pressure and prayed for it to stop hurting so bad.

 The mommy part of me is so new that I was paralyzed at the fact that not only was my daughter hurt... it was MY fault!  I felt awful and just wanted the crying to stop because maybe it would mean the hurting had stopped as well. I got Monkey latched back on for more "milkies" and kept applying direct pressure to her sweet little finger. At least the crying stopped, but I still felt awful!

Minutes passed and it was still bleeding... How could something so small bleed so much?  After about 30 minutes I started to get really worried. I could rotate the cloth and a fresh spot would be filled with blood in seconds and it just wasn't slowing down at all!

I waited a little longer and decided that we needed some professional advice on how long this little finger should be bleeding. Sarge called the nurse advice line (thank you TriCare!) and they said it should have stopped after a max of 5-10 minutes and we needed to go to the ER as soon as possible because the cut could be deeper than we realized.

So, we bundled up our little Monkey and headed out for the ER. We got there around 11:15pm and were taken back really quickly.  The doctor came in and looked at the cut and said that luckily she wouldn't need stitches because the cut was so little, but we did need to get the bleeding to stop.  He decided to cauterize the cut and  place a bandage on her tiny finger to protect it and catch any more blood.  Once we were all done, he told us the usual "follow up with your pediatrician" speech.

I was totally relieved that it had finally stopped bleeding!  Except for a couple minutes of crying when it first happened, Monkey seemed to not really mind the whole adventure. She smiled and laughed at the nurses and doctors the whole time we were at the hospital, and as usual everyone "oooh'd and ahhhh'd" and told us how adorable she is.

When we got home and got settled back in bed for the night, my mind started going and I realized that it just wasn't normal for Monkey to have bled so much. By the time all was said and done, it was 2 hours before her little finger stopped bleeding!  I felt like I should definitely talk to her pediatrician about it and was thankful we had an appointment for her 4 month checkup in a few days.

I never in my wildest dreams, nightmares really, imagined what would come from such a simple cut on the tip of her finger.

To be continued...