Memorial Day 2010

For only the 2nd time during this deployment I got to see my husband on webcam!
He couldn't talk out loud, but it didn't matter. 

 I finally, after 3 very long months, got to see my husband's face!!
I can't tell you the good this does for my heart and soul right now...
There just aren't words to express it!

However, on Memorial Day especially, I am forced to remember that there are too many other wives (and other family members) out there who are currently living through my absolute worst nightmare.  

They don't get to see their loved one's smiling faces on webcams.  

They don't get those middle of the night phone calls that warm your heart as you cry happy tears.
 For way too many, these are just cherished memories that they now cling to more than ever.

Their loved ones have paid the sacrifice for us all to enjoy the freedom to enjoy our everyday lives.

So as you gather around with family and friends today.
Please enjoy your BBQ, the warm sun, and the laughter and good times...
Please also take a moment to remember why you have these privileges.
Please remember those who will forever miss someone special in their life.
Include them.  Reach out to them.  Pray for them.  Honor their loved one's memory.

Don't forget the one's who are still serving and fighting... 

On the battlefield half a world away and on the home front battlefield.
Especially today.  Make the time to remember.
Be thankful to be an American.

Memorial Day 2010

For only the 2nd time during this deployment I got to see my husband on webcam!
He couldn't talk out loud, but it didn't matter. 

 I finally, after 3 very long months, got to see my husband's face!!
I can't tell you the good this does for my heart and soul right now...
There just aren't words to express it!

However, on Memorial Day especially, I am forced to remember that there are too many other wives (and other family members) out there who are currently living through my absolute worst nightmare.  

They don't get to see their loved one's smiling faces on webcams.  

They don't get those middle of the night phone calls that warm your heart as you cry happy tears.
 For way too many, these are just cherished memories that they now cling to more than ever.

Their loved ones have paid the sacrifice for us all to enjoy the freedom to enjoy our everyday lives.

So as you gather around with family and friends today.
Please enjoy your BBQ, the warm sun, and the laughter and good times...
Please also take a moment to remember why you have these privileges.
Please remember those who will forever miss someone special in their life.
Include them.  Reach out to them.  Pray for them.  Honor their loved one's memory.

Don't forget the one's who are still serving and fighting... 

On the battlefield half a world away and on the home front battlefield.
Especially today.  Make the time to remember.
Be thankful to be an American.

Writers Block

There are tons of things I could blog about today...

Like which baby products are on my wish list and why I will probably not fork out the cash for them despite their neat qualities and cool features and the fact that I must have watched the product videos at least 100 times each.  I convince myself daily that money is just paper and some things are worth the extra money spent, and then the practical side of me kicks in and talks myself out of the very things I just decided we must have because instead of buying "stuff" we could go do something, like visit family with that money.  I'm a research freak and I must research every aspect of any moderately large purchase... so instead of blaming my inner "queen of being cheap" maybe that's my real excuse for why I have not purchased a single thing for the baby yet.  Besides, time on my "waiting to find out the gender" excuse is running out!  Only a few more days until we know!

I could talk about my personal debate on whether or not to go with cloth diapering, making my own baby food, and turning into the "crunchiest" mama that I could possibly be... the pros, the cons and why I'm no longer sure what I will end up doing, despite knowing what my heart wants to do and still blog-stalking my favorite crunchy mama friends wanting to be more and more like them.  I have all kinds of crunchy tips saved away in my endless file of internet favorites just begging for this baby to born so I can put them into practice!  The question remains...  will I go crunchy?  Will we homeschool as I once was sure I wanted to?  Will I go back to work or stay home?  Just when I make up my mind...  the crunch disappears and it seems like it is only a dream that just won't fit our life no matter how hard I try.  I'm pretty stubborn though, as my husband points out and I don't usually quit when someone says "you cant..."  Instead, I become inspired to prove that I absolutely can.

I just spent a good hour digging through my external terabyte reminiscing about the beginning of summers past and how different this summer is starting and will turn out to be, so I could share my thoughts on that and bore you with tons of old photos and stories of adventures from my crazier years and somehow type myself through figuring out how to make this summer special in its own unique and different way.  I could also tell you that last night as I sat outside I really wanted to write a letter of complaint to military housing because it was perfect weather for laying in a hammock and I am convinced it would having completely taken away all of my symptoms but there are no trees in our back yard from which to tie said hammock, so of course... this remains only a pipe dream and I will have to settle for an uncomfortable patio chair with my feet propped up on the table.  (Yes that photo to the left is one of those old photos -- taken summer 2006 in San Tropez, France.)

It's been an eventful week pregnancy/HG wise and I could share about the struggle to get home health to deliver more than one days medication/fluids at a time and the reason why I think my scale is a liar. I could also share why my new nickname might as well be "Dora", or share the best PICC line cover that I have ever come up with (as of last night, anyway).  I'm so incredibly inspired to give back to others by telling my HG story and helping those who don't have as many resources within their reach as I have found. I could go on forever about how no women should have to get to the desperate point of being faced or pressured into having an abortion because they feel so miserable.  Oh and yes, I will probably get pregnant again, even if it means going through every second of this and more all over again... though that is a blog post that will probably stir up more controversy than I care to deal with right now.

The blessing of running my own photography "business" is that I am my own boss and I have the ability to say when I work or don't work.  I couldn't imagine having to try to hold down a real job while being this sick.  I did have an opportunity to take some pictures recently and despite having to change my technique a little to accommodate my current state, it felt so good to have that camera in my hands and feel like a photographer again.  I could probably go on forever about my love of photography, the fact that I am STILL trying to complete the classes I started with NYIP, and my huge wish list of shots I want to take around this area now that it's finally warm again.  In light of my old trusty camera's recent breakdown I could probably write a book on my new internal debate of switching from Canon to Nikon when I finally break down and buy an upgrade, and the sequel to that book would be my debate of staying with natural light or learning flash photography so I can expand and have even more shooting opportunities - and are those same opportunities available if I don't go with flash?  I told you it would be a book... maybe more like an encyclopedia of internal photography debates!

Then there is the military part of our life.  It would probably do my heart good to vent and rant a decently long blog post about my thoughts on the military and how it may throw a huge wrench into our not-so-far-from-now plans.  However, it's still within the 48 hour policy that my husband and I have.  According to this policy, I have 48 hours to throw the biggest temper tantrum I want before I have to find some big girl panties, pull them up and deal with things.  It is probably in everyone's best interest if I refrain from blogging about the military's affect on our life and our plans until my 48 hours of acting like an immature child are over.  Really.  I promise you don't want to hear it until I put on my grown up attitude about it.

See?   I have plenty of ideas floating around in my head but none of them are really appealing to me right now as I sit here trying to compose a blog post of interest to someone other than myself.  So instead, I'm going to take my presently whining puppy outside for a potty break and enjoy a few moments of soaking up the sun on this first official weekend of summer.

Maybe inspiration for something interesting will strike soon...  and if not, well I guess you'll know when you come back to this blog and find me rambling on about one of my writers block topics won't you!

Writers Block

There are tons of things I could blog about today...

Like which baby products are on my wish list and why I will probably not fork out the cash for them despite their neat qualities and cool features and the fact that I must have watched the product videos at least 100 times each.  I convince myself daily that money is just paper and some things are worth the extra money spent, and then the practical side of me kicks in and talks myself out of the very things I just decided we must have because instead of buying "stuff" we could go do something, like visit family with that money.  I'm a research freak and I must research every aspect of any moderately large purchase... so instead of blaming my inner "queen of being cheap" maybe that's my real excuse for why I have not purchased a single thing for the baby yet.  Besides, time on my "waiting to find out the gender" excuse is running out!  Only a few more days until we know!

I could talk about my personal debate on whether or not to go with cloth diapering, making my own baby food, and turning into the "crunchiest" mama that I could possibly be... the pros, the cons and why I'm no longer sure what I will end up doing, despite knowing what my heart wants to do and still blog-stalking my favorite crunchy mama friends wanting to be more and more like them.  I have all kinds of crunchy tips saved away in my endless file of internet favorites just begging for this baby to born so I can put them into practice!  The question remains...  will I go crunchy?  Will we homeschool as I once was sure I wanted to?  Will I go back to work or stay home?  Just when I make up my mind...  the crunch disappears and it seems like it is only a dream that just won't fit our life no matter how hard I try.  I'm pretty stubborn though, as my husband points out and I don't usually quit when someone says "you cant..."  Instead, I become inspired to prove that I absolutely can.

I just spent a good hour digging through my external terabyte reminiscing about the beginning of summers past and how different this summer is starting and will turn out to be, so I could share my thoughts on that and bore you with tons of old photos and stories of adventures from my crazier years and somehow type myself through figuring out how to make this summer special in its own unique and different way.  I could also tell you that last night as I sat outside I really wanted to write a letter of complaint to military housing because it was perfect weather for laying in a hammock and I am convinced it would having completely taken away all of my symptoms but there are no trees in our back yard from which to tie said hammock, so of course... this remains only a pipe dream and I will have to settle for an uncomfortable patio chair with my feet propped up on the table.  (Yes that photo to the left is one of those old photos -- taken summer 2006 in San Tropez, France.)

It's been an eventful week pregnancy/HG wise and I could share about the struggle to get home health to deliver more than one days medication/fluids at a time and the reason why I think my scale is a liar. I could also share why my new nickname might as well be "Dora", or share the best PICC line cover that I have ever come up with (as of last night, anyway).  I'm so incredibly inspired to give back to others by telling my HG story and helping those who don't have as many resources within their reach as I have found. I could go on forever about how no women should have to get to the desperate point of being faced or pressured into having an abortion because they feel so miserable.  Oh and yes, I will probably get pregnant again, even if it means going through every second of this and more all over again... though that is a blog post that will probably stir up more controversy than I care to deal with right now.

The blessing of running my own photography "business" is that I am my own boss and I have the ability to say when I work or don't work.  I couldn't imagine having to try to hold down a real job while being this sick.  I did have an opportunity to take some pictures recently and despite having to change my technique a little to accommodate my current state, it felt so good to have that camera in my hands and feel like a photographer again.  I could probably go on forever about my love of photography, the fact that I am STILL trying to complete the classes I started with NYIP, and my huge wish list of shots I want to take around this area now that it's finally warm again.  In light of my old trusty camera's recent breakdown I could probably write a book on my new internal debate of switching from Canon to Nikon when I finally break down and buy an upgrade, and the sequel to that book would be my debate of staying with natural light or learning flash photography so I can expand and have even more shooting opportunities - and are those same opportunities available if I don't go with flash?  I told you it would be a book... maybe more like an encyclopedia of internal photography debates!

Then there is the military part of our life.  It would probably do my heart good to vent and rant a decently long blog post about my thoughts on the military and how it may throw a huge wrench into our not-so-far-from-now plans.  However, it's still within the 48 hour policy that my husband and I have.  According to this policy, I have 48 hours to throw the biggest temper tantrum I want before I have to find some big girl panties, pull them up and deal with things.  It is probably in everyone's best interest if I refrain from blogging about the military's affect on our life and our plans until my 48 hours of acting like an immature child are over.  Really.  I promise you don't want to hear it until I put on my grown up attitude about it.

See?   I have plenty of ideas floating around in my head but none of them are really appealing to me right now as I sit here trying to compose a blog post of interest to someone other than myself.  So instead, I'm going to take my presently whining puppy outside for a potty break and enjoy a few moments of soaking up the sun on this first official weekend of summer.

Maybe inspiration for something interesting will strike soon...  and if not, well I guess you'll know when you come back to this blog and find me rambling on about one of my writers block topics won't you!

Getting Married... Take 1

I love you babe!
I'm so lucky to be your wife!
I know I thought you were being insanely silly when you made this video on the way to our small wedding...
It's perfect though.  Thank you!
From really far away, you're still the best one at putting a smile on my face!

Getting Married - the first time from The Highleys on Vimeo.

Like a lot of military couples, we technically have 2 wedding anniversaries.
Today we celebrate 2 years of legal marriage.
We never really make a big deal out of today, but choose to quietly celebrate the special day.
I plan to do a bigger post about our love story and a look back at the last couple years next month, 

 for our "big" wedding anniversary.

Getting Married... Take 1

I love you babe!
I'm so lucky to be your wife!
I know I thought you were being insanely silly when you made this video on the way to our small wedding...
It's perfect though.  Thank you!
From really far away, you're still the best one at putting a smile on my face!

Getting Married - the first time from The Highleys on Vimeo.

Like a lot of military couples, we technically have 2 wedding anniversaries.
Today we celebrate 2 years of legal marriage.
We never really make a big deal out of today, but choose to quietly celebrate the special day.
I plan to do a bigger post about our love story and a look back at the last couple years next month, 

 for our "big" wedding anniversary.

I Miss Your Face

Dear Wonderful Hubby Of Mine:  I miss your face.

Your silly face...

Your crazy face...

Your always knows how to make me smile face...

I even miss your stinky face.

Come home soon, so I can kiss your face.

I Miss Your Face

Dear Wonderful Hubby Of Mine:  I miss your face.

Your silly face...

Your crazy face...

Your always knows how to make me smile face...

I even miss your stinky face.

Come home soon, so I can kiss your face.

HG Update - PrimaBella and a PICC line

Yesterday, my PrimaBella arrived.  Tricare overruled the appeal to cover this medical device so I ended up paying for it out of pocket.  I am not sure how I feel about it yet but it was highly recommended by the perinatologist I am seeing so I thought I should probably give it a try.  It is an odd sensation to have my hand grow tingly in almost constant waves.  I have noticed that even though I am still pretty nauseous all day and nothing really touches that, I have thrown up less in the last 2 days than in the 2 days prior.  I think a good part of it has to do with having gone to the ER to get some fluids but perhaps there is something to the science behind the PrimaBella and the way it stimulates the median nerve.

PrimaBella NVP device
(www.primabellarx.com)

I got my PICC line put in today.  I'm 14 weeks pregnant now and have lost over 8% of my body weight.  I've managed to gain back 2lbs of what I've lost but can't seem to gain anymore right now.  I'm on a mostly liquid diet of carnation instant breakfast mixed with ice cold milk.  There are some days where I can tolerate eggo waffles (cooked a very specific way) but other days there is no way I can.  Most other things are not safe foods right now so I don't often try to eat anything solid for fear of going into another bad sick episode.

I really wasn't sure what to expect when I got to the hospital today, but was pleasantly surprised by the end of the procedure.  I didn't even have to change into one of those yucky hospital goes, it didn't take very long and they were able to get it properly placed on the first try.

I was warned that it would hurt when they were numbing my arm.  Truthfully, it did hurt but it was not nearly as painful as when the nurses are trying to get an IV in me and they blow vein after vein in their efforts.  It's a relief to know that they can do whatever they need through this PICC line and I won't have to deal with anymore needles.  Plus, there will be a lot less 30 minute drives across town (almost always in bad weather these days!) when I feel miserable because the nurses can home right to our house and take care of almost everything.  They told me it's ok to shower and said the way they taped it wouldn't need any kind of special cover.  I was dreading waiting for one to arrive in the mail since I couldn't find a place locally that would carry a latex free cover for it - it's a relief to not need one because if there is one thing I can't deal with right now it's not being able to be clean! They were able to place it in a way that gives me complete use of my arm, so I'm not worried about not being able to take care of myself.  It makes me feel a lot better to have the fluids because it stops my cycle of not keeping anything down and the oral medications really work decently when I am hydrated properly.

I managed to run a couple errands after getting the PICC in. I needed more milk and a new pillow.  I go through so much mik since I've been drinking mostly healthy protein/breakfast drinks and I've worn out our pillows laying in bed so much, so I headed for Super Target.  I wasn't up to walking around like I usually do but I got what I needed in one stop which was the goal.  I went through the Sonic drive through on the way home and got a grilled cheese.  I managed to keep a few bites down before I knew I couldn't handle anymore.  It sure was worth those couple bites though!  I'm waiting to hear when the home health care nurses will start coming, but it should be in the next day or two that I start getting fluids at home regularly.

I'm beyond thankful for a guardian angel that has come into our life right now.  I have no doubts that God has brought this special person into our life at just the right time.  Through the knowledge I have gained from him, I have been able to pass on to my husband that the doctors I have found here are doing everything they can and they are doing a great job treating this.  It was so great to hear the relief and calm come into my husband's voice this morning when I shared what has gone on this week and all that I have learned.  Not only that, but I have been led to some extremely valuable resources on HG, and they are opening my eyes and helping me to really understand my body.  This knowledge is so valuable when I feel like my body is something I can't control right now.  I hope I can pass on the information and the hope I've been given to others who are going through this as well.

It should only be about 12 more days until we find out the gender of our baby!  It's still going to be a little early at this appointment, but I hope baby will cooperate.  We've not bought anything baby related yet and I'm hoping to save a lot of the shopping for after my husband gets home.  I'm kind of picky and have a hard time finding stuff I like.  Like, I want to find a bouncer that isn't so bright and screams at you and has all kinds of attachments.  I like the more earthy tones I guess because they are just simple.  I'm sure what I want is out there - I just gotta look.  We gotta start figuring out what sort of cloth diaper system we want too.  I am still doing tons of research before making the investment on that one!  However, I'm really excited to decorate his Father's Day care package with gender specific colors/stuff so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that baby wants to share with us early enough to make that happen!

PICC line in place - day 1
14 weeks

HG Update - PrimaBella and a PICC line

Yesterday, my PrimaBella arrived.  Tricare overruled the appeal to cover this medical device so I ended up paying for it out of pocket.  I am not sure how I feel about it yet but it was highly recommended by the perinatologist I am seeing so I thought I should probably give it a try.  It is an odd sensation to have my hand grow tingly in almost constant waves.  I have noticed that even though I am still pretty nauseous all day and nothing really touches that, I have thrown up less in the last 2 days than in the 2 days prior.  I think a good part of it has to do with having gone to the ER to get some fluids but perhaps there is something to the science behind the PrimaBella and the way it stimulates the median nerve.

PrimaBella NVP device
(www.primabellarx.com)

I got my PICC line put in today.  I'm 14 weeks pregnant now and have lost over 8% of my body weight.  I've managed to gain back 2lbs of what I've lost but can't seem to gain anymore right now.  I'm on a mostly liquid diet of carnation instant breakfast mixed with ice cold milk.  There are some days where I can tolerate eggo waffles (cooked a very specific way) but other days there is no way I can.  Most other things are not safe foods right now so I don't often try to eat anything solid for fear of going into another bad sick episode.

I really wasn't sure what to expect when I got to the hospital today, but was pleasantly surprised by the end of the procedure.  I didn't even have to change into one of those yucky hospital goes, it didn't take very long and they were able to get it properly placed on the first try.

I was warned that it would hurt when they were numbing my arm.  Truthfully, it did hurt but it was not nearly as painful as when the nurses are trying to get an IV in me and they blow vein after vein in their efforts.  It's a relief to know that they can do whatever they need through this PICC line and I won't have to deal with anymore needles.  Plus, there will be a lot less 30 minute drives across town (almost always in bad weather these days!) when I feel miserable because the nurses can home right to our house and take care of almost everything.  They told me it's ok to shower and said the way they taped it wouldn't need any kind of special cover.  I was dreading waiting for one to arrive in the mail since I couldn't find a place locally that would carry a latex free cover for it - it's a relief to not need one because if there is one thing I can't deal with right now it's not being able to be clean! They were able to place it in a way that gives me complete use of my arm, so I'm not worried about not being able to take care of myself.  It makes me feel a lot better to have the fluids because it stops my cycle of not keeping anything down and the oral medications really work decently when I am hydrated properly.

I managed to run a couple errands after getting the PICC in. I needed more milk and a new pillow.  I go through so much mik since I've been drinking mostly healthy protein/breakfast drinks and I've worn out our pillows laying in bed so much, so I headed for Super Target.  I wasn't up to walking around like I usually do but I got what I needed in one stop which was the goal.  I went through the Sonic drive through on the way home and got a grilled cheese.  I managed to keep a few bites down before I knew I couldn't handle anymore.  It sure was worth those couple bites though!  I'm waiting to hear when the home health care nurses will start coming, but it should be in the next day or two that I start getting fluids at home regularly.

I'm beyond thankful for a guardian angel that has come into our life right now.  I have no doubts that God has brought this special person into our life at just the right time.  Through the knowledge I have gained from him, I have been able to pass on to my husband that the doctors I have found here are doing everything they can and they are doing a great job treating this.  It was so great to hear the relief and calm come into my husband's voice this morning when I shared what has gone on this week and all that I have learned.  Not only that, but I have been led to some extremely valuable resources on HG, and they are opening my eyes and helping me to really understand my body.  This knowledge is so valuable when I feel like my body is something I can't control right now.  I hope I can pass on the information and the hope I've been given to others who are going through this as well.

It should only be about 12 more days until we find out the gender of our baby!  It's still going to be a little early at this appointment, but I hope baby will cooperate.  We've not bought anything baby related yet and I'm hoping to save a lot of the shopping for after my husband gets home.  I'm kind of picky and have a hard time finding stuff I like.  Like, I want to find a bouncer that isn't so bright and screams at you and has all kinds of attachments.  I like the more earthy tones I guess because they are just simple.  I'm sure what I want is out there - I just gotta look.  We gotta start figuring out what sort of cloth diaper system we want too.  I am still doing tons of research before making the investment on that one!  However, I'm really excited to decorate his Father's Day care package with gender specific colors/stuff so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that baby wants to share with us early enough to make that happen!

PICC line in place - day 1
14 weeks

Jesus Bring The Rain

It hasn't been a good day.  I've barely functioned today.
None of my "safe foods" were safe today.
I know I have to have a difficult discussion with my doctor tomorrow about where we go from  here.
Yet, I'm ok.  I can feel God here taking care of me and my sweet baby.
I know that He is working in me through this trial.  

He brought me to it, He will bring me through it.
I am thankful.  I am blessed.  I feel peace.

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." -Romans 5:2-5

Jesus Bring The Rain

It hasn't been a good day.  I've barely functioned today.
None of my "safe foods" were safe today.
I know I have to have a difficult discussion with my doctor tomorrow about where we go from  here.
Yet, I'm ok.  I can feel God here taking care of me and my sweet baby.
I know that He is working in me through this trial.  

He brought me to it, He will bring me through it.
I am thankful.  I am blessed.  I feel peace.

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." -Romans 5:2-5

Hyperemesis Gravidarum

There aren't many people out there who really get it.  Unless you have been through it, it's nearly impossible to understand.  I'm not writing this to point out how miserable I am.  I'm writing it because the message needs to get out there that this IS real and it IS awful, but you can survive and come out on the other side.  I'm absolutely determined to come out on the other side of this, with a story of growth and perseverance!  I'm writing this to share my story in hopes that someone, even just one person, will take the time to understand.

 "People tended to write off how I felt.  "Oh, just eat some crackers".  Believe me, I tried everything.  Some people tried to suggest that it was in my head.  That I didn't want my baby.  She may not have been planned, but I have known for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be a mother above all else in life.  The emotional wounds just added to the ridiculousness of what I was going through." 

http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2010/01/living-dead-girl-surviving-hg.html

See that bolded part?  Read that part again.  What's worse for me than the HG?  Dealing with all the emotional wounds that are being created by people who are judging me for my choice to continue the pregnancy, for following my doctors orders, for choosing to take medication to help deal with the debilitating symptoms after analyzing the risks over and over, telling me that I'm making it up, my baby is suffering, and telling me that it's just the stress of my husband being deployed making me sick.  Instead of judgement or trying to tell me what they think is causing my sickness - I wish they would just pray for me or give me some words of encouragement.  Keep the negative thoughts to yourself!  That's really what I need.  I need people who love me to lift myself, my baby, and my husband up in prayer and encourage us along the way!

"I can still only scratch the surface of sharing with you what it was like to have HG, but I hope that if someone you know is ever unfortunate enough to experience this, you will never invalidate them or suggest that it is all in their head.  You'd never doubt a cancer patient's pain, please dont minimize or doubt ours.  It is real.  Too real.  We would do ANYTHING to escape this suffering, no one would ever choose it." 

 http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2010/01/living-dead-girl-surviving-hg.html

I am so thankful that an organization like the HER Foundation is in existence.  I was just introduced to it today by a friend who has gone through HG herself, and already I can see the benefit of being able to understand this illness on a deeper level and helping those around me understand as well.  I look forward to connecting with others who have been there, and who really get what I am going through.  I'd encourage anyone to take a few moments to educate yourself on this topic.  It could happen to someone you know and love, and it would be an amazing gift for you to be able to share the resource with them, and let them know that you are trying to understand what they are going through.

I ran across this video clip from a documentary that is in the works.  It is a brief overview of one woman's journey through HG and it is powerful.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Video Clip Rough Cut from WVP on Vimeo.

I'm not at the end of this yet but I know I'll get through it.  I'm even starting to see a little bit of improvement and have some days when I can function normally and do things like clean my kitchen or take our dog for a walk.  Other days it is an accomplishment if I am just able to take a warm bath before going back to bed to sleep through the worst of the symptoms.

It is so hard to just ignore all those who have spoken such negative and hurtful words to me throughout this experience.  I have a wonderful loving family, church family, and amazing husband who may not be close in proximity right now, but they are standing behind me as I walk through this journey.  They are lifting me up in prayer, encouraging me, and just letting me know that God is right here with me and He is ultimately the one that is in control.  Even something as simple as my mom calling to check on me, and being willing to fly out to help take care of me should I need the help - it speaks volumes and it gets me through the worst moments. 

God has given us such a gift in this miracle baby and I am so thankful.  It really will be ok again, eventually.  This will not last forever.  I am loved and so is this baby!  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this amazing little baby growing inside my belly.  It is going to be amazing!

Hyperemesis Gravidarum

There aren't many people out there who really get it.  Unless you have been through it, it's nearly impossible to understand.  I'm not writing this to point out how miserable I am.  I'm writing it because the message needs to get out there that this IS real and it IS awful, but you can survive and come out on the other side.  I'm absolutely determined to come out on the other side of this, with a story of growth and perseverance!  I'm writing this to share my story in hopes that someone, even just one person, will take the time to understand.

 "People tended to write off how I felt.  "Oh, just eat some crackers".  Believe me, I tried everything.  Some people tried to suggest that it was in my head.  That I didn't want my baby.  She may not have been planned, but I have known for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be a mother above all else in life.  The emotional wounds just added to the ridiculousness of what I was going through." 

http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2010/01/living-dead-girl-surviving-hg.html

See that bolded part?  Read that part again.  What's worse for me than the HG?  Dealing with all the emotional wounds that are being created by people who are judging me for my choice to continue the pregnancy, for following my doctors orders, for choosing to take medication to help deal with the debilitating symptoms after analyzing the risks over and over, telling me that I'm making it up, my baby is suffering, and telling me that it's just the stress of my husband being deployed making me sick.  Instead of judgement or trying to tell me what they think is causing my sickness - I wish they would just pray for me or give me some words of encouragement.  Keep the negative thoughts to yourself!  That's really what I need.  I need people who love me to lift myself, my baby, and my husband up in prayer and encourage us along the way!

"I can still only scratch the surface of sharing with you what it was like to have HG, but I hope that if someone you know is ever unfortunate enough to experience this, you will never invalidate them or suggest that it is all in their head.  You'd never doubt a cancer patient's pain, please dont minimize or doubt ours.  It is real.  Too real.  We would do ANYTHING to escape this suffering, no one would ever choose it." 

 http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2010/01/living-dead-girl-surviving-hg.html

I am so thankful that an organization like the HER Foundation is in existence.  I was just introduced to it today by a friend who has gone through HG herself, and already I can see the benefit of being able to understand this illness on a deeper level and helping those around me understand as well.  I look forward to connecting with others who have been there, and who really get what I am going through.  I'd encourage anyone to take a few moments to educate yourself on this topic.  It could happen to someone you know and love, and it would be an amazing gift for you to be able to share the resource with them, and let them know that you are trying to understand what they are going through.

I ran across this video clip from a documentary that is in the works.  It is a brief overview of one woman's journey through HG and it is powerful.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Video Clip Rough Cut from WVP on Vimeo.

I'm not at the end of this yet but I know I'll get through it.  I'm even starting to see a little bit of improvement and have some days when I can function normally and do things like clean my kitchen or take our dog for a walk.  Other days it is an accomplishment if I am just able to take a warm bath before going back to bed to sleep through the worst of the symptoms.

It is so hard to just ignore all those who have spoken such negative and hurtful words to me throughout this experience.  I have a wonderful loving family, church family, and amazing husband who may not be close in proximity right now, but they are standing behind me as I walk through this journey.  They are lifting me up in prayer, encouraging me, and just letting me know that God is right here with me and He is ultimately the one that is in control.  Even something as simple as my mom calling to check on me, and being willing to fly out to help take care of me should I need the help - it speaks volumes and it gets me through the worst moments. 

God has given us such a gift in this miracle baby and I am so thankful.  It really will be ok again, eventually.  This will not last forever.  I am loved and so is this baby!  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this amazing little baby growing inside my belly.  It is going to be amazing!

You Gotta Face The Clouds To Find The Silver Lining....

                          

I got to see my sweet baby again today.

The blessing in disguise of having a complicated pregnancy is that every time I've seen the doctor, so far, I've also gotten to see my baby on the screen.  The greatest blessing is that baby is doing very well and growing right on schedule despite mommy not feeling very good.  The high risk OB has changed around some of my medications and has ordered a new FDA approved non medicated treatment for the hyperemesis gravidarium called Prima Bella.  I should hopefully have that by Friday.  I'm hopeful that we are going to turn a corner with this thing soon so I can get back to life a little bit.

On the deployment front... I have to be honest.  Some days are harder than others.  Some nights seem colder and lonelier without him here.  Sometimes the phone call is just not enough, when I need to feel his arms around me...  when I need that comfort of knowing I am not in this alone.  Sometimes I just have to allow myself to fall apart, so I can pick up the pieces and keep going.  We made the choice together, that it was best for me to stay here in our home where I could be close to the doctors who would follow me from the beginning of pregnancy through delivery.  While we both know that was definitely the best choice, it's not always the easiest.  It's very hard to be so far away from family and friends at a time in my life where I feel very helpless, and could quite frankly use the help of family and friends..  Even the most mundane task like getting to the grocery store or the pharmacy has become a monumental undertaking some days.

Sometimes I just need a whole lot of faith to get through the day... and the night.  I just keep reminding myself that we have to face the clouds to find the silver lining.  When this deployment is over, we will have achieved a lot of things as individuals, as a married couple and as a new little family.  It's only the beginning... and in the bigger picture, it is only a small blip in time.  We'll make it through this... and the next several months are not going to last forever.    The great thing about time is that it's constant.  You can't make it go any faster, but it never goes any slower either. It just keeps right on going.

Normally, my husband is the one that listens to KLove exclusively.  It's not that I don't absolutely love KLove - but sometimes a girl has gotta have her country tunes for a little awhile and usually when I'm in the car alone is my country music time.  Since my husband deployed, KLove is the only thing that's been on my radio stations - even in the house.  This song, by Kutless has come on every single time that I have had the radio on.  At this point, I just keep telling myself to have faith.

"I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn’t ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I’ve seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That’s what faith can do

That's what faith can do!

Even if you fall sometimes

You will have the strength to rise"

If faith can do all that... it can get us through this too.

You Gotta Face The Clouds To Find The Silver Lining....

                          

I got to see my sweet baby again today.

The blessing in disguise of having a complicated pregnancy is that every time I've seen the doctor, so far, I've also gotten to see my baby on the screen.  The greatest blessing is that baby is doing very well and growing right on schedule despite mommy not feeling very good.  The high risk OB has changed around some of my medications and has ordered a new FDA approved non medicated treatment for the hyperemesis gravidarium called Prima Bella.  I should hopefully have that by Friday.  I'm hopeful that we are going to turn a corner with this thing soon so I can get back to life a little bit.

On the deployment front... I have to be honest.  Some days are harder than others.  Some nights seem colder and lonelier without him here.  Sometimes the phone call is just not enough, when I need to feel his arms around me...  when I need that comfort of knowing I am not in this alone.  Sometimes I just have to allow myself to fall apart, so I can pick up the pieces and keep going.  We made the choice together, that it was best for me to stay here in our home where I could be close to the doctors who would follow me from the beginning of pregnancy through delivery.  While we both know that was definitely the best choice, it's not always the easiest.  It's very hard to be so far away from family and friends at a time in my life where I feel very helpless, and could quite frankly use the help of family and friends..  Even the most mundane task like getting to the grocery store or the pharmacy has become a monumental undertaking some days.

Sometimes I just need a whole lot of faith to get through the day... and the night.  I just keep reminding myself that we have to face the clouds to find the silver lining.  When this deployment is over, we will have achieved a lot of things as individuals, as a married couple and as a new little family.  It's only the beginning... and in the bigger picture, it is only a small blip in time.  We'll make it through this... and the next several months are not going to last forever.    The great thing about time is that it's constant.  You can't make it go any faster, but it never goes any slower either. It just keeps right on going.

Normally, my husband is the one that listens to KLove exclusively.  It's not that I don't absolutely love KLove - but sometimes a girl has gotta have her country tunes for a little awhile and usually when I'm in the car alone is my country music time.  Since my husband deployed, KLove is the only thing that's been on my radio stations - even in the house.  This song, by Kutless has come on every single time that I have had the radio on.  At this point, I just keep telling myself to have faith.

"I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn’t ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I’ve seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That’s what faith can do

That's what faith can do!

Even if you fall sometimes

You will have the strength to rise"

If faith can do all that... it can get us through this too.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies and mommies-to-be!

A very special Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful Mom!

(My Mom and I on my wedding day - 6.28.08)

Today I find myself reflecting about last year's very special Mother's Day and missing my mom an awful lot more than usual.  I'm not sure I can ever top the surprise that we pulled off for my mom on Mother's Day 2009.

It just happened to work out, that we were able to drive to Arizona and surprise my mom for Mother's Day last year.  We had not been able to make it back to see my family since a very quick trip to load the moving truck in August 2008. So, we came up with a plan for Mother's Day and somehow we managed to pull it off.  It took us almost 2 non stop days of driving, and we managed to take a wrong turn somewhere along the way so it took us longer than expected, but we still made it to Arizona by Saturday night.

After spending the night in a local hotel, I woke up early Sunday morning to call my mom and wish her a Happy Mother's Day.  She thought we were across the country, so the timing of the call made sense as we would have been getting ready to go to church ourselves.  I almost blew the cover when my mom asked if we were going to church that day and continued the conversation by asking whether or not we had been to the church before.  I quickly piped up yes, we're going to church and its one we've been to before and then I jumped off the phone as quickly as I could before giving anything away!

  

I really wanted to have something to give my mom when we saw her, so we stopped and got some flowers on the way to the church.  We ended up having to hide in a spare room because we beat her to the church!  My husband kept watch (there's a small hole in that door for some reason) and Rusty and I tried to stay hidden.  My dad knew we were coming, but since he's the pastor he was busy greeting people.  He let someone know what was going on so they could give us a signal once my mom went into the sanctuary.  It felt like we were waiting in that little room forever!

   

When we walked into the sanctuary, my mom was greeting some guests.  I tried to hang back a little because I didn't want to be rude, but once a few of the church members saw what was going on they nudged us forward.  I was standing right next to her and she had no clue...  until finally she turned slightly and I said "Happy Mother's Day Mom!!"

For as long as I live, I will never forget that extremely special moment!  I am very lucky to have been blessed with such a wonderful Mom.  I love you, Mom!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies and mommies-to-be!

A very special Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful Mom!

(My Mom and I on my wedding day - 6.28.08)

Today I find myself reflecting about last year's very special Mother's Day and missing my mom an awful lot more than usual.  I'm not sure I can ever top the surprise that we pulled off for my mom on Mother's Day 2009.

It just happened to work out, that we were able to drive to Arizona and surprise my mom for Mother's Day last year.  We had not been able to make it back to see my family since a very quick trip to load the moving truck in August 2008. So, we came up with a plan for Mother's Day and somehow we managed to pull it off.  It took us almost 2 non stop days of driving, and we managed to take a wrong turn somewhere along the way so it took us longer than expected, but we still made it to Arizona by Saturday night.

After spending the night in a local hotel, I woke up early Sunday morning to call my mom and wish her a Happy Mother's Day.  She thought we were across the country, so the timing of the call made sense as we would have been getting ready to go to church ourselves.  I almost blew the cover when my mom asked if we were going to church that day and continued the conversation by asking whether or not we had been to the church before.  I quickly piped up yes, we're going to church and its one we've been to before and then I jumped off the phone as quickly as I could before giving anything away!

  

I really wanted to have something to give my mom when we saw her, so we stopped and got some flowers on the way to the church.  We ended up having to hide in a spare room because we beat her to the church!  My husband kept watch (there's a small hole in that door for some reason) and Rusty and I tried to stay hidden.  My dad knew we were coming, but since he's the pastor he was busy greeting people.  He let someone know what was going on so they could give us a signal once my mom went into the sanctuary.  It felt like we were waiting in that little room forever!

   

When we walked into the sanctuary, my mom was greeting some guests.  I tried to hang back a little because I didn't want to be rude, but once a few of the church members saw what was going on they nudged us forward.  I was standing right next to her and she had no clue...  until finally she turned slightly and I said "Happy Mother's Day Mom!!"

For as long as I live, I will never forget that extremely special moment!  I am very lucky to have been blessed with such a wonderful Mom.  I love you, Mom!

Where I Find My Strength

I'm participating in the Wives of Faith Blog Carnival this week.  Wives of Faith is a great website that connects military spouses from all over, providing encouragement and support.  Check them out at www.wivesoffaith.org.

Where do I find my strength?

I Find My Strength In God -  Psalm 121

I Find Strength In my Husband - My Hero

I Find Strength In My Wonderful Family And Friends
(who do know how to take a normal photograph, I promise - but I can't locate the one I was looking for on this laptop so I chose this funny outtake from our wedding photos)

Thanks for letting me play along with this blog carnival! 

 I've had a great time reading everyone's entries and getting to know all of you.  

I do apologize that I have not gotten around to commenting this week.
My entries have also been lacking quite a bit.

I've had an incredibly rough week, feeling very sick most days.
 Its been hard to just keep functioning, though I keep trying and hoping for better days to come soon.

I promise to return the favor and come by and visit all of you when I get to feeling a little bit better.